Defense Mechanism/Projection

Projection is a defense mechanism used when there is an unwanted or undesirable feeling or thought within and it is projected onto another person. For example, say your spouse forgets to take the keys out of the igniton and because the car sounds so quiet nobody notices for at least an hour. You both get to the car and your husband shouts, "how can you be so stupid" to you. Now we both know that he is the person who forgot to take the keys out of the igniton and yet seems to be very angry at you. He is projecting his feelings onto you. He does not want to look like or feel foolish. This is often what happens. The person usually fails to take responsbility for their own feelings, thoughts, or actions and places the blame on someone else. In another example say you are angry at your best friend for not calling enough and you begin to feel resentful. Instead of owning these feelings you ask your friend the next time you see her if she is upset because you have been so busy and unable to call. This is a poor way to express and communicate feelings but it happens all the time. It causes confusion and somethimes anger. The person that is being projected on has no clue where this is coming from. When you recognize what is happening you can use it as a tool for better communication.

I think that the core of this defense is shame. Its an inability to accept the thought, behavior, or feeling and take responsibility because at some point down the line the person learned that it was not ok to express, feel certian emotions, or make mistakes. Sometimes when the projection is placed on someone else, it doesn't seem as bad and the projector learns that its not the end of the world after all.  

God understands and knows our weaknesses. We can't hide anything from him. He sympathizes with our struggles and pain.